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Women initiate most relationships, and then wait for the man to catch up. They'll chase you until you catch them. Generally speaking, all men are interested in all women all of the time. This "shotgun" approach to mating is how men are genetically programmed, but the reality is that this does not suit women one little bit.
In consequence, while the men are ogling the girls, and strutting around displaying their desirability, the women are evaluating them with a keen eye to a potential father and provider. They'll pick the one they want for reasons of their own, and decide when to become pregnant and when not to.
For a further discussion of this simple, but ultimately incontrovertible concept, I reccomend the reader to Female Control: Sexual Selection by Cryptic Female Choice, by William G. Eberhard, Princeton University Press, 1996.
Women do absolutely nothing by accident. If she wants you to think she's attractive, she will succeed. If a button is carelessly undone, it's on purpose. If you see something, you were meant to. If she touches you, it's on purpose. If she doesn't touch you, that's also on purpose.
Women quite rightly believe that men have to be hit over the head to figure anything out.
Just because she's been friendly or has spoken with you does not mean that she's dreaming of you nightly. Women occasionally are just checking around, same as you. Women know full well that if they initiate a conversation or respond to a man in a friendly manner that he will take it as a sexual overture, so they're careful.
But, they are nonetheless often friendly or responsive for reasons that have nothing whatever to do with sex. Men, of course, are unable or--monsters of egoism that they are--unwilling to consider that even women may just want to be polite or nice or friendly with absolutely no ulterior motive. So, be polite, friendly and nice in return, and if she actually is hot for your bod, she'll let you know in some unmistakable way.
Women who have service jobs are obliged to be professionally polite, cheery and pleasant.
This is only rarely directed at you personally because you're so fascinating, handsome and smart. Waitresses get hit on ten times a day, and it gets old fast. Do not flatter yourself that the friendly smile, the solicitous gesture or twinkly eye contact is anything personal. What they want is a good tip. Tip generously. It's a hard job.
Respond to the exact degree that you are encouraged. Allow her to dictate the pace of the romance.
If she wants you, she'll get you if she can. If she doesn't want you, you haven't a chance.
No one-night stands. They're bad for the soul; both yours and hers. Plus, they're really stupid and risky.
Get to know her before you go to bed. The third date is considered traditional, but in these modern times, a considerably greater interval is advisable. It's a lot easier to get into things than to get out of them.
Better safe than sorry. Prevention of disease is your responsibility. Make sure that neither of you has a communicable sexually transmitted disease. If either she or you does, make the situation abundantly and absolutely clear before engaging in any sexual congress. Take appropriate precautions, even though you are disease-free, and believe that she is, as well. Use a condom: it's only good manners.
Women with transmittable diseases may not behave responsibly. After all, diseases are passed along by someone to someone else, and this is no accident. Beware of women who were infected with an STD by an inconsiderate lover. They may be angry enough to want to pass it on out of spite. Also, a woman may simply fear that if you know she has an incurable disease, such as herpes, you and all other men will reject her. If you yourself have such a disease, and so does she, then everything may be just fine. But, if you do not, she will be correct about the likelihood of rejection. Be very careful.
Though uncomfortable, think of the consequences of false consideration or prudish modesty. The vital subject of Sexually Transmitted Disease is more easily broached than you might think, and she wants to be reassured as much as you do. A clean bill of health is essential, especially if you are considering her as a potential mother of your children.
If you can't be good, be careful. Birth-control, though essentially her area of concern, should be a shared responsibility. At the beginning, conspicuous use of condoms is appropriate. If she wants to use The Pill, a diaphragm, or any other device, it's up to her. Be careful. Women have been known to get pregnant to create a relationship.
Imagine how you would feel if you were naked and alone with a relative stranger who is bigger than you, stronger than you, and pumped up to the bursting point with killer testosterone. That's how she feels the first time you go to bed together. It's exciting, but also frightening. Be nice.
A woman's body is her dearest treasure. Do not treat her disrespectfully after making love. Do not behave as though you've got what you wanted and have no further use for her. A pleasant note sent the next day will do much to reassure her. If she is really important to you, send flowers.
Look for vivacity, a caring nature, support and whole-hearted affection.
She should not be conspicuously crazier than you are.
Opposites attract. "People seek others to accentuate, balance and mask aspects of their inner selves" (Anatomy of Love, Helen Fisher, Fawcett Columbine, 1992) One of you may be bouncy and vivacious, while the other is calm and reserved. One may be a planner, while the other is a doer. One may be a visionary, while the other is down-to-earth. One may be messy while the other is tidy. One may be prompt while the other is casual toward time. One may be artistic, while the other is business-like. To some degree, the more outwardly different you are, the better.
To be compatible, lovers must share an essential world view.
You and she must both either have, or not have, a sense of humor.
You must share the same attitude towards religion. An atheist and a fundamentalist will not do well together. Each will drive the other further into an extreme position, friction will be inevitable, and one will constantly give offense to the other.
You must share similar cultural tastes. One may not dislike or despise the true cultural pleasures of the other.
You must be of roughly the same socio-economic class. Morganatic relationships rarely prosper.
You must share a roughly equivalent political overview. To some degree, people fall into two great classes: The first, Stateists or Communitarians, are those who believe that the community, the collective, should bear the brunt of social responsibility, and that the welfare of the individual is best assured by a strong social organism, even at the expense of individual liberty. Anything that makes the State stronger is fundamentally acceptable.
These people welcome authority, and seek clear rules to follow. It is not going too far to say that a woman who espouses this political stance looks upon the State as a kind, benevolent and ultimately trustworthy father.
The second, Individualists or Libertarians, feel that the welfare of the whole body is best insured by safeguarding individual rights and emphasizing individual responsibility. Anything that threatens the individual also threatens the State. These types dislike authority, and see in any authority a fundamental threat. It is not going too far to say that a woman who is, essentially, an anarchist or libertarian looks upon the State as an unkind, negligent and ultimately untrustworthy father.
These differing types are not compatible.
You must both be willing to accommodate the other's differences, no matter how great they may initially seem.
You can't change people. You can't mold a woman into your image of an ideal. If she isn't roughly right to begin with, drop it. Some change will occur of itself, but it must be compatible with her basic nature, otherwise sooner or later it will snap back with considerable violence. Women are extremely malleable, taking on their lover's interests as though they were their own. This is not a ruse, but part of the process of bonding, of becoming one. Women are perfectly pleased to try and change, even drastically, to suit their lovers, but unless the change is true to their basic nature, it won't last and will eventually make them angry with you for making them do it. The problem is this: you can't possibly know what she has changed to please you and what she really is like until it's too late.
You can't change yourself. If she wants to change you in basic ways, you must depart. Unfortunately, this is one of the things that women are disposed to do. For some strange reason, people are inclined to buy a house and then tear it apart and rebuild it. Why don't they simply buy a house that is suitable in all particulars? Probably because you can only fulfill some of the many requirements, but not all. Therefore, a house--like a man--is at best a compromise. So, she moves in and immediately starts remodeling. Men generally resent this. Women do this as part of their nature.
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