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'Indeed,' replied Bernardo, 'the emotions of love provide great excuse for every kind of fault. Nevertheless, for myself I consider that any gentleman of worth who is in love ought to be sincere and honest in this, as in everything else; and if the betrayal, even of an enemy, can be properly held to be a base and hateful crime, consider how much worse a crime is the betrayal of someone we love.'
'And I believe that why every tender lover endures so many toils and vigils, exposes himself to so many dangers, sheds so many tears, and tries by so many ways and means to please his love is not to conquer her body but to conquer the fortress of her mind and to break those hard diamonds and melt that cold ice, which are often found in the gentle breasts of women. And this, I believe, is the true and perfect pleasure and the goal aimed at by every noble soul.'
'And certainly, for my part, if I were in love I would rather wish to know for sure that the lady I served returned my love from her heart and had given me her soul, if I had no other satisfaction, than to enjoy her to the full against her will; for in that case I would think myself the possessor of a lifeless body. Therefore those who pursue their desire by means of tricks, that should rather be called treacheries instead, do injury to others, nor, when they possess the body without the will, do they find the satisfaction that ought to be desired in love.'
-- The Courtier, Book Two
Do not trifle with a woman's affections. When you consider entering a relationship, you should have an honest and genuine intent. If it's just for fun, make sure that she thinks so, too. Women often take seriously what is only poked at them in fun.
If she appears vulnerable, or inexperienced, or sad, or lonely, or desperate, do not exploit this unscrupulously. Every time a woman makes love, she gives a little piece of herself away. If you take it without giving something in return, you are committing a crime.
But this pleasure of yours is caused not entirely by her beauty but also by the affection you surely feel towards her. And, if you were truthful, you would confess that the first time you looked at that woman you did not feel the thousandth part of the pleasure you experienced later on, although her beauty was no less. So you can see that the pleasure was caused far more by your affection than by her beauty.
--The Courtier, Book One
"Your daddy is rich, and your mama's good looking." There you have the whole thing in a nutshell. Men are attracted to youth and beauty. Women are attracted to strength, resources and social status. Both are in the eye of the beholder. Indeed, love creates beauty, strength and worthiness--for, how could it be that the object of our precious love were not worthy of it?
Though standards of beauty may vary from one culture to another, there are basics: youth, fertility and health. How good a mother will she make for my children, and how many children can she have, and will they all be mine? Everything else is a variation on a theme.
Women, too, look for basics: resources that she can make use of; genetic potential; willingness to remain in the relationship after engendering children; ability to protect her and her children from other men. In our culture, this is spelled, "M-O-N-E-Y." Money is what men want, because in our culture, money is power. Money is what women want, because in our culture, money is safety.
Men are attracted to the presence of positive aspects in a woman. Women are attracted to the absence of negative aspects in a man. Therefore, do not think that a woman or women are actually attracted to you. In a real sense, if a woman seems to like you, it is because she is less repelled by you than by other men around you. I'm sorry to say this, but I have it from the horse's mouth.
The purpose of courting conversation is to let her evaluate you, and for you to evaluate her. Talk builds trust.
Look into her eyes when you speak to her. Do not stare at her breasts.
In any social situation, leave with who you came with.
Dress appropriately. Think how you would like her to be dressed and dress compatibly. No jeans and T-shirt to dinner at a nice restaurant. No motorcycle jacket to meet her parents.
Take her out to dinner at a nice place. And don't just do it once.
Other women must cease to exist.
Offer her your arm to hold when walking up or down stairs or hills. Women are uncertain in high heels. It's one of the things that makes high heels so sexy. So, if you want her to wear them, make her comfortable when she does.
On other occasions, convinced that they are being terribly witty and amusing, they use filthy and indecent language in the presence of noble ladies, and often to their faces. And the more they make the ladies blush, the more they are convinced that they are being good courtiers; they never stop laughing and they pride themselves on the fine talents they think they posses. But the only reason they behave in such a beastly fashion is because they believe it makes them the life and soul of the party: this is what they think really praiseworthy and what they pride themselves on most. And to acquire this reputation they indulge in the most shameful and shocking discourtesies in the world.
-- The Courtier, Book Two
Treat her like a lady. Open doors for her. Hold her chair. Rise to greet her. In fact, you won't go too far wrong if you treat all women like ladies. I know that right now it is not fashionable to do so, but why be a slave to fashion? The women who don't want to be treated like ladies probably aren't interested in you anyway.
A man must not alone beware of unhonest and filthy talk, but also of that which is base and vile.
-- Il Galateo
Watch your language.
Go for walks together.
Hold hands. This is much more intimate than an arm around the waist. Hands can carry on a dialogue that mouths cannot. Sailors on shore leave do not hold hands with dockside whores. Lover hold hands and are gentle with each other.
A kiss is more than just a kiss. It's the beginning, middle or end of a love affair. Women take kisses very seriously.
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