YOU ARE POISED at the edge. Unseen audience hidden in blackness, a thousand eyes can see you and you can't see anything. You're somewhere in the middle, one after another goes up and does their piece and bows off. You've practiced, but still you're not ready. The only way to do it is to do it, and it will get easier every time, but that's in the future. This is not every time; this is now. Your legs will not support you. Your heart is pounding. Your stomach contracts, hurts, fills with fluttering wings. Your breath comes shallow and fast. Deep breaths. You feel like you're going to faint. The world closes down into a dark tunnel and you can't see and your hearing stops working and you're on autopilot. Nature takes over. It's time.
May 21, 1994
In Spanish, "mariposa" means butterfly. Refers to the queasy feeling of butterflies in the stomach, stage fright.
3/17/99
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