The Lover  (Contd.)

Money

Money is always a problem.

Do not make trouble over money.

'He was loved by a very great lady, and at her request he came secretly to the town where she was. After he had seen her and enjoyed her company for as long as she would let him in the time, he sighed and wept bitterly, to show the anguish he was suffering at having to leave her, and he begged her never to forget him; and then he added that she should pay for his lodging at the inn, since it was she who had sent for him and he thought it only right, therefore, that he shouldn't be involved in any expense over the journey.'

At this, all the ladies began to laugh and to say that the man concerned hardly deserved the name of gentleman; and many of the men felt as ashamed as he should have been, had he ever had the sense to recognize such disgraceful behavior for what it was.

-- The Courtier, Book Three

Do not expect her to pay her part of expenses for entertainment or dates. If you like masturbation, you'll love Dutch Treat.

"Mad" money. You may have noticed that women always want to have a bit of cash somewhere about them. Currency squirreled away in the most unlikely places, but usually in coats, pants, compacts, purses, automobiles. Sometimes it's just folded up and tucked into a shoe. The basic concept is that they always want to have enough money with them at all times so that if they get "mad" at you, they can storm out and still get home on their own. It's a survival trait.

Money is the genie in the bottle that serves whoever owns it. If you can believe it, money is even more important to women than to men. If money means power and independence to you, it means double that in spades to a woman. Since they have comparatively less overt power in society, the genuine clout represented by ageless, genderless, colorless money is proportionately greater. Never imagine for even a moment that she does not care about money.

If she is actually dependent on you for money, it's even more of a problem. She needs her own money.

Do not reproach her with her expenditures.

Do not be a tightwad.

Talk about it. Do not assume that silence is consent. Ask her advice and opinion. Ask frequently.

A joint account may not be appropriate. On the other hand, it may be just the sign of trust and teamwork that she wants. Ask her. Probably, she both wants independence and teamwork. She does not want to account to you for every expenditure, nor even to have you know about all of them. Even with a joint account, she should have some way of spending money that you have neither control of nor information about.

If she does not make much money, take care that she is not put into an inferior, dependent position through your greater earning power.

The money she earns is hers.

If she makes more money than you, take care.

Do not let a woman give you money.

Do not make her ask for money.

If you're having job problems, you're also going to have woman problems.

It's as easy to fall in love with a rich man as with a poor man. Women want financial stability as well as emotional stability.

The "for richer or poorer" part really only works one way. A woman does not mind being with a poor man--though indeed she would prefer one who was not poor, all things being equal--nor does she mind being with a poor man who has prospects. What she does mind is a man whose prospects are not panning out as expected, or who is having prolonged financial difficulties. If you can't earn a decent living, she may very well find someone who can.

Do not ask her for money. If you find that you cannot make ends meet, and she has not cheerfully insisted on helping out, you are in serious trouble.

Around the House

Women do like a man to be handy. Homo Habilis, or "shade tree fix-it man," after all, not only made tools, but was probably the first of our species who could talk, thereby allowing him to seduce women. Follow his example, or you will become extinct.

Don't wait to be told that something needs doing.

Don't procrastinate. If it needs doing, do it.

Shoulder more than you think is your share of mutual responsibilities, and do it with good cheer.

It's always your turn to do a difficult, tiresome or unpleasant task.

Do not leave her to do something unpleasant while you go off and do something you want to do.

Do not leave messes for her to clean up. Making your mate into your servant will not benefit you.

Do your share of the housework.

If you don't want to do something, do not indicate this by doing a bad job at it in the hopes that she will not ask you again. This is cowardly.

If you don't want to do something, and she doesn't want to do it either, hire someone else to do it.

The womb is not a homing device. Try to find something--really try--before saying in that whiny tone, "Honey, where's the . . . ?" She didn't hide it, and if you put it somewhere, like a squirrel, you should remember where you put it.

The fundamental problem is this: most of the time, she actually does know where it is, and you actually can't remember where you put it. So, the whole thing gets a healthy dose of positive reinforcement. But, for some reason, women find this irritating.

To make matters worse, women like moving things around for no reason that makes any sense to men. Something along the line of establishing territorial boundaries--sort of the female equivalent of peeing on tree trunks. So, she may have moved it, which means that you really don't know where it is and she really does, but again, women don't appreciate being reproached for simply tidying up or making things more orderly, even if this does mean that you can't find it. Remain calm.

Do not make decisions--purchases, engagements, binding agreements--that affect the both of you, without consulting her. Ask her about the ones that you think don't affect her, too. She may not share your opinion of what is, and is not, important.

If she is in charge of one aspect of your mutual life, let her run it as she sees fit.

It is not enough for a man to do things that are good. He must also have a care that he do them with a good grace. And good grace is nothing else but a light that shines on the aptness of things set in good order and well disposed, one with another, and perfectly knit and united together. Without which proportion and measure, even that which is good is not fair, and the fairness itself is not pleasant. And as food, though it is good and healthful will not make men want to eat, if it has no pleasant relish and taste. So fares it with the manners of men--though in themselves they may in no respect be bad--if a man does not season them with a certain sweetness, grace and comeliness.

-- Il Galateo

Do everything with a cheerful countenance and good grace. Do not whine or complain.

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